Ah yes, immigration. At the moment, by far the most polarizing topic in America. Given the current atmosphere regarding this topic and the vitriol it’s inspiring, I thought I would make this handy guide for everyone to share with all their friends, so that you too, just like our politicians, can learn how to best screw over the American people. In the event you ever run for office, you will be glad you read this handy guide so you will be able to behave in a duplicitous manner, just like our current crop of politicians. I don’t include Donald Trump in that critique, because he is one of the few that seems to care about this issue. Before I start, it should be noted I am not only referring to Democrats here, as both parties are guilty of selling the American people down the river every single time immigration comes up. I personally believe in net zero immigration, as I laid out here: The Case for Zero Immigration.
With all that said, let’s start the list!
9. Always take the side of illegals over citizens.
Remember never to speak up if actual citizens are murdered by the hundreds, as we see in Chicago, but ALWAYS go berserk if an illegal doesn’t get the newest version of Madden NFL for Xbox in their frankly nicer than the shithole place they came from housing. Always be more than happy to pay billions for facilities, while vetoing bills that take care of homeless veterans. If you get a chance to spend 3 billion on illegals, instead of 1.5 on veterans, be sure to do that, otherwise, how will you be able to brag about how inclusive you are?
8. Ignore all economic predictions.
Every credible business leader on the planet has explicitly told us we will lose 40% of our jobs to Artificial Intelligence and automation, and that our social services will be insolvent, but don’t worry about any of that, things will magically work out! We now have Alexandria Ocosia-Cortez and her flavor of the month “Democratic Socialists” running on a platform of unlimited free stuff AND open borders. Just remember that the free stuff vending machine never runs dry, no matter how many people use it!
What a deal!
7. Champion vague “border security” measures.
At all costs, make sure you sound like a badass when anyone asks about border security. Always promote murky border security measures that aren’t well defined, and make sure that you leave in plenty of loopholes because after all, we need that cheap labor to save 12 cents on a box of Pop-Tarts. You can also use fancy tricks like “funding” border security, but then not actually appropriating the money! You can also have symbolic votes that have no chance of passing, which is an excellent technique around re-election time!
Oh, and no matter what, NEVER BUILD A WALL.
6. Act as though crime isn’t a problem.
MS-13, radical Islamists, drug cartels, human trafficking, and gang crime are all just conspiracy theories, ginned up by the white supremacists. Always make sure that you spout nonsense statistics about native-born people committing more crime (false), so you can willfully ignore the easily preventable crime that comes as a result of immigration. Make absolutely sure you talk incessantly about abolishing ICE, but never mention Kate Steinle, and for crying out loud, don’t reveal that ICE, over a 10 year period, arrested over 4000 members of MS-13, 92% of which were illegal aliens, and also have been busting sex trafficking rings at a rate that makes the Flash look like a junior varsity track team reject.
It’s also best to make sure your constituents don’t understand the concept of Per Capita, as that will singlehandedly ruin most of your statistical arguments.
5. Allow Hawaiian judges to dictate national policy.
This is one of the best plays in the playbook. When your opposition is on the one-yard line and about ready to punch that immigration proposal into the end zone, ring up a Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit judge to stop it, and you don’t even have to take the blame! If you were smart in the first place, you already voted for a left-wing activist judiciary to act as your backup in the event those uppity citizens start asking questions.
4. Never vote on this issue.
You never want to hold an actual vote on immigration. Most mass immigration measures are deeply unpopular, so you never want to actually vote on it. Make sure when you campaign that you have harsh rhetoric, but not too harsh, because you need to make sure you sound inclusive. Don’t learn the lesson of Donald Trump, that immigration wins elections, so make sure you stick to your usual tried and true ways of losing, just like Mitt Romney and John McCain.
3. Always fall back on historical talking points.
“We are a nation of immigrants!”
“Read the Statue of Liberty poem!”
When presented with well-reasoned arguments, always fall back on poems from the 1860’s as though they are 2018 immigration policy. Yes, that’s right, someone wrote a poem once, so that means you as a citizen don’t get a say on who comes into your country.
2. Make absolutely sure to call people racist.
Also includes: xenophobe, islamophobe, bigot, and deplorable. Obviously, the quickest way to get what you want to is to break out the big guns: calling people racist. When nothing else works, you can rest assured that virtually everyone will cave if you break out the nuclear weapon of persuasion, the big R word. Use it as much as possible, and you’ll eventually get your way.
And, by far, the most essential item on the list:
1. NEVER, EVER ask for permission, just do it.
No American in history has explicitly voted for mass immigration. We were never once ASKED if we wanted hordes of people from other countries by the tens of millions. Yet, America somehow ended up with massive immigration change in 1965 and a broad amnesty in 1986, absurd amounts of “guest workers,” no wall, and tons of preventable crime. Once you are in office, you can follow the will of your big donors and lobbyists to pass even more amnesties, and refuse to pass any actual legislation.
There you have it, everything you need to run for office and hose over your citizenry just like our past and current crop of politicians! Share to your friends so they can be enlightened as well!
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Steve is the author of Forging the Iron Mind, and is the founder and CEO of Americana Prime.